A Saved Friendship (cont'd)
By Eowyn HorseCrazy

Chapter Two:

“Hey, Nickers, how’re you doing, girl?” I asked two days later as I came into the pony’s stall to groom her.  Rae was in the next stall grooming Spirit, Mr. Devine’s hyper black mare.  “Hey, Rae?” I said, combing out Nickers’ forelock and eyeing her swollen golden belly, “How long has this poor pony been pregnant?”

“Um...”  Rae calculated on her fingers.  “About eleven months.  She’s due any day.  Why?” 

“Just curious,” I replied. 

“Beth, is something wrong with her?”  Rae stopped brushing Spirit and looked over the divider at me.  “Beth?” 

I shook my head.  “No, I was only wondering.  She’s just so big!  Honestly, Rae!  I wouldn’t lie to you.  She looks totally healthy!” 

“Hmm.”  Rae looked at me doubtfully for a moment before resuming her business.  I finished combing out Nickers’ thick, flaxen bangs, mane, and tail, letting myself get lost in my thoughts.  I’d just finished cleaning Nickers’ fourth hoof when Rae cleared her throat and spoke up.  “Beth?  Are you angry with God?  And, why do you think Keeta died?”  I set Nickers’ hoof down and began brushing her right side with long, even strokes. 

“No, I’m not angry.  I just don’t understand why he took her all.  I mean, maybe God wanted us to know that… the most powerful way of telling someone that you love them, is to lay down their life for the other person.  I mean, she held on to life so that she could give us her baby.  She gave us her baby as a gift.  And, she wanted us to love and care for her baby.  She trusted us.” 

“Beth?”  Rae’s voice cracked.  “I’m angry.  It’s God’s fault!  Why didn’t He want it to be Lightning?  Or… or even Chakotay?  I’d rather have Chakotay die than Keeta.  I mean, I love both of them; it’s just that… I mean sometimes I don’t understand God!  Some things He does just don't make sense!  I mean, God is just so... unfeeling sometimes!  Just look at the... oh, just forget it!  What’s the use of trying to tell people how you feel when it doesn’t change anything?” 

I heard her toss the body brush into her bucket and grab the face sponge.  I leaned on Nickers, laying my head and arms on her broad back.  Tears stung my eyes.  I blinked and tried to stop crying.  Nickers turned around and nuzzled the side of my face and nickered. 

“Rae?” I said a few minutes later with an effort.  “Rae, I don’t want to be insensitive, but… but we can’t be angry with God because Keeta died.  It won’t help anything.  You know?  I mean, if we get mad at God, it’s sort of like... I don’t know... like telling your dad that you’re mad at him; it always causes trouble... you know?  We shouldn’t be angry at God, because he doesn‘t do stuff to hurt us.”  I looked at Rae, who turned and faced me.  Her face looked like it was carved out of stone. 

“Elisabeth,” she said bitterly, “that is so unfair and rude to say!  I can’t believe you said that!  That... that’s so cruel!”  Rae’s deep green eyes glistened with unshed tears and her voice was cold and hard.  

“Rae, I’m sorry!” I said softly, so softly that I could barely hear my own words.  “I was just trying to help you!  I mean...” 

“Elisabeth, I want to be by myself.  I don’t need your help anymore.” 

“Rae, I...” 

“Go.” 

Tears filled in my eyes, as I picked up the green plastic grooming bucket and stroked Nickers’s neck one more time before walking out of the stall.  I stepped into the stall way and set the bucket down. 

“Rae,” I said, “I am truly sorry I hurt your feelings.  Can I please...?” 

“Elisabeth, if you take those words back and admit that you’re wrong, you can stay.  But if not, just go home!”  Rae didn’t even look at me.  She just kept brushing her gelding.  Chakotay, sensing that something was wrong, snorted and stuck his head over the door, blowing soft air into my face.  I blew back with a quivering breath. 

“Rae, I am sorry that I offended you, but I will not take back my words.  It’s the truth and nothing but.  We can’t be angry with Jesus.  I will go home, but I’m still your friend.  No matter what you say,” I added firmly.  I turned, walked down the stall way and out of the barn.  As I passed the paddock that held Gifty and Gracie, Gifty squealed and ran to the gate, hoping to be let out.  “Not now, sweetie,” I said quietly.  I reached through and scratched the filly’s black-and-white withers.  “I love you, Gifty, but I need to go home.  Sorry.”  I straightened up and walked through the Devine’s front yard to my bike. 

As I biked home, I held back the tears that threatened to blind me.  I couldn’t believe it!  Normally quiet, gentle, easygoing Rae had gotten mad at me!  Would she realize the truth in what I had said?  Did she really mean what she had said, or was she just really depressed?  I got home and ran up to the room that I shared with Adelaide.  Samuel, William and Jonathan share a room.  Brandon and Taylor share one, too.  And, Josephine and Susanna shared one.  I walked to my window, sat in my chair and looked out at our pasture.  There was a small, wooden building that we used as a barn.  A large water trough and feeder stood near the fence closest to our house.  Our white does dotted the brownish-green field.  The buck paced in his little section of fence while my brothers and sisters played in the backyard with General.  I sat thinking for a while.  After about 15 minutes, my 12-year-old brother William stuck his head through my door. 

“Beth?  Can I come in?” 

“I guess.  Yeah, come in,” I replied, sitting down cross-legged on my bed so that William could sit in my chair. 

“What’s the matter?” he asked, ignoring the chair and sitting down beside me on the bed.  I shrugged and looked away from him. 

“Nothing.  What do you want, William?” I asked, trying to avoid his question.  But William is known for his understanding and persistence. 

“I thought that you looked sad when you came home.  So I got off the phone and came up to see what was wrong.” 

I forced a laugh.  “I’m fine, Will, really.”  My brother drove his vivid brown eyes into my blue eyes. 

“If everything’s okay, then why are you so sad?” 

“William... you wouldn’t understand.”  I knew that wasn’t true.  When he was three years old, William understood the death of my grandma.  He can understand things that Samuel can’t even understand... and Samuel is fourteen.  I finally gave in. 

“You know how Keeta died?”  My brother nodded.  “Well, Rae and I where both just crying and thinking of nothing but Keeta.  I know we can still be sad, but we shouldn’t get angry with the Lord.  “Well, today I told Rae about that because she was starting to blame God and get angry at him.  Well, she got mad at me and told me to leave.  I tried apologizing for offending her, but she said that she wouldn’t forgive me unless I took back what I’d said.  So, I came home because I wouldn’t admit that I was wrong.  And now...”  I looked at the floor.  “...I don’t have a friend until I say I was wrong.”  Silence followed. I risked a glance at William.  He was just sitting there, looking at me expectantly.  At length, he spoke. 

“What’re you gonna do?” 

“What can I do?” I replied, still staring at the floor.  

“Pray.  Talk to Dad.  Talk to Mom.  It’ll help you a lot.” 

“They wouldn’t understand.” 

“You said that I wouldn’t understand.  And I did.  Besides... they’re our parents; they’ll understand how you’re feeling.” 

I sighed.  “Yeah... just tell them what’s wrong, and they’ll make everything better, huh?  I wish it was that easy, Will.  But it’s not.” 

“I never said it was,” he replied. 

“What?” 

“You need to try to work stuff out.” 

“What am I supposed to do?  Huh?  Go bring her flowers and fall at her feet, begging her to like me again?  No way!  That’s something that an idiot would do!”  I sighed and put my chin in my hand. 

“I never said that, either.” 

I looked at my brother.  “What are you saying then?  If you’re not saying to be an idiot?” 

“If she’s really your friend, this won’t end your friendship.  And if you’re really her friend, than you won’t give up on her.  So it’s mainly between you, Rachel, and God.” 

I narrowed my eyes at my brother.  “You sound like a preacher,” I said sarcastically. 

“You asked me what you should do.  It’s only my opinion.  But I think it’s the right way.”  William looked out my window at the clear, blue summer sky.  “God said that he will never leave us or forsake us.”  He stood up and walked to the door, then turned and faced me, staring into my eyes.  “We shouldn’t either.”  He turned and walked out of my room, closing the door softly behind him.  I threw myself down on my bed and cried until there weren’t any tears left.  I sat up and wiped my face off.  I knew what I had to do; talk to my parents about it and then walk over to Rae’s tomorrow and try to work things out.  And, if that didn’t work... it would be up to God to change Rae’s heart.

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